studying for the bar... lacking motivation

hi all.its been another long while. sorry i have been studying for the bar exam in hopes of getting a position down there. i just had an interview and will have another one coming up. but am very unsure of myself. i need to chant more for victory. i want to again show people that chanting and prayer can improve your life. i will continiue to pursue this path and will hopefully get there :)

Getting Back to Law

I'm going to start studying for the california state bar exam. Its in February 2010. Why? There may be more job options for me in my field. Tomorrow, I'm going to finish something else I've started (hopefully) and hopefully it will all go well. I need to find the right choice. The right path. I know I've been lost lately -- not writing in this journal, not chanting as much as I should -- but I know that I will eventually get to where I need to be. I will just keep on chanting. Fighting, Praying.

There is something for me out there. I just need to maintain my faith that what needs to happen, will.

No Responses or Sharing?

Its okay, I understand. Sometimes, it can be very difficult to share a personal experience.
I am continuing to chant. Today, I upped my chanting a little more. I've been feeling restless and out of sorts.

My FI applied to a position he's been wanting for awhile. He said its a "rare opportunity" this opportunity means I will have to leave behind things I've been working on here and I'm not sure I want to do this. I am chanting for success. I'm not sure where my life is headed, I will continue on with what I am doing and pray for the future.

I place my faith and my future in my chanting. Of course, I will continue to work towards my goal and will not rely on faith alone, but I know faith will be the deciding factor.

Finding Inspiration In Others

I have been chanting less lately and it makes me feel empty. I know I should chant more to reach my goals, but I have been feeling very lost lately. Has anyone else felt like this? I know many people have come to this blog for encouragement in finding a job -- to know that chanting will help them in these difficult times. I, too, would like to find people who can give some encouragement. Is anyone out there who can also share their story to provide us comfort and encouragement? If there is, please send the story to chantingexperiences@gmail.com and let me know if I can post it here on my blog.

Thank you,
Me

Finding my path

I haven't written in this journal for two months. This seems to be a monthly blog. A lot of things have happened...

• The love of my life asked me to marry him. I said yes. 
• I have been working on starting a lawfirm, but I just interviewed with a company I have been wanting to work with for a long time. 
• I am stressed out about money/job and do not know if i can go another few months without income. 

My SO has been supportive of whatever I want to do, but I am caught. What do I want to do? I want to help people, but I also need to find a way to support myself. It seems that no matter what happens, when things look up there are other things pulling me back down. 

I am chanting now for a clear path. That the path that will help me  (and others) will open before me and it will be an easy step to take. I hope things work out soon.

Disgusted by Racism/Sexism

Its been a while since I posted, but I wanted to make a little post about what I've encountered on my quest for a job. I went to a meeting, and, at first, was treated very nicely. As the meeting went on, there were comments made which were less than nice. such as, you should just get married or I would hate to be you etc etc.

What I realized is, even the most well-meaning people can screw up once in a while and hurt other's feelings. Or maybe I just need to develop a thicker skin. My newest quest is to chant for racist/sexist people. I will chant that their eyes will be opened and they will realize they are creating more harm than good.

Although I may not be able to change everyone's thoughts, I know that through my actions and through my chanting, I can at least help change one person for the better.

Realizations...

When life gets difficult, chant more and help others, including yourself. This may seem very simple and you may be wondering why others? Shouldn't I help myself first before I can help others?

Yes and no. Helping others will help you understand your situation better. It will also help you feel better about yourself. Knowing that you have helped make a difference in someone else's life can help you understand that you are not hopeless.

I fell into this trap. For a while, I have been working at the best job ever, unfortunately, I don't have much left over for anything else. My SO is so patient with me and continues to help me get through these trying times. I have been searching for a job, but have been unable to find the one I want.

Since I was unable to find what I wanted, I decided to create my own opportunities. I am currently looking into creating my own law firm and am working with the Northwest Immigration Rights Project.

The stories of the clients who come for help inspire me every day. My suffering is nothing next to the persecution, torture, and pain they have been through and I seek to help relieve that through helping them stay in our country away from these problems.

In doing this, I found that I am making a difference in someone else's life. It is making me feel empowered with the knowledge that this difference could save them. I enjoy the feeling. I enjoy knowing that I can possibly help them change their life. Even though it is for free, it is something I needed to do. Even if there is no thank you, knowing that I have helped someone make a better life for themselves and helping them relieve their tears is enough for me. It gives me strength to continue on this long journey.

I have had some questions about how I chant. I chant Nam Myoho Renge Kyo with my whole heart. I chant with purpose to change the my life and the lives of others for the better.

If you ever stumble along the way, please reach out to me. I will try to help put you back on your path.